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You all saw what she wrote. We should honor her wishes.

what do you need?

[ she’s still furious. most of that anger is still directed at misty.

but: ]

what do we do?

[ Their hunter and their butcher, gone. They've never done this without them, and despite it all, they look to Misty. ]

They gave me her body for investigation. We don't return it. We keep her with us. In us, like she wanted.

I'll need another pair of hands to get her ready. And a fire, in the woods, as far from the village as we can reasonably get. Nobody else can know.

We were bonded last month. I can help prepare her.

i can take care of the fire

[ they all know jackie sucks at lighting those anyway ]

Thanks. We'll let you know when we're on our way.

[ It’s some time before she finally texts back that okay, that meet me here at this time that makes this final. She had thought to protect Jackie from this – the knowledge being one thing, but the participation is another, a door that can’t close, even if this rip in space and time could allow her the same distance from it that Misty has. Had.

She sews the head back onto the body herself this time, a bag over it to hide the cruelty carved into her cheeks, the ones she’d touched so soon before her murderer. Was she the last, Misty wonders with a shudder, not crying as she had with Nat – a reaction that suits her and all her angst and all her aching – but with fury. As Shauna would want. Her anger honors her. It keeps Misty focused, when the time comes to hold Jackie’s hand and guide the knife that’ll open up her chest. ]

Steady. And when you hit bone, drag down.

[ Spoken with Natalie’s coppery tang still on her tongue. ]

[ the thing that misty doesn't understand - that no one does, not even shauna - is that jackie is tired of being sheltered from the things they had done. it's thoughtful of them to have wanted to protect her, but even now, months removed from learning what they'd done to survive the winter, from one into the summer and going into the next, she's tired of being on the outskirts of things. she understands, but she wants to belong, and more than that, there's nothing to protect her from. she doesn't have anything but this.

she still has to look away as misty sews shauna's head back to her body, unable to look at how she's been disfigured. she looks into the fire instead, thinks of how it had prepared her for consumption. made her part of them (i don't know where you end and i begin) forever. by the time misty approaches her with the blade, she's ready.

she crouches beside her, holding the knife steadily above her chest, where she'd marked her. misty takes careful hold of her hand, adjusting how she holds it, and jackie meets her eyes, nodding once before pressing down.

the blade sinks into her flesh, like it had at the ceremony, and she keeps pressing until she feels the tip collide with something hard. she thinks back to when shauna had tried to teach her then, how she couldn't stomach it. she doesn't feel anything now, just purpose.

slowly, carefully, she pulls the blade through and down. ]

[ Jackie’s wide doe eyes and the knife in her hand don’t compute. Like a puppy with a gun, or Shauna with a smile. It isn’t, it shouldn’t be, but here they are, Jackie holding the knife on her own once it’s clear that she’s got the amount of pressure right, and Misty’s help would be closer to sharing the blame than any true assistance. ]

Good.

[ Like with Natalie, the blood is thick, moving because of gravity instead of the system of veins and pumps and arteries that would have it spewing out now that there’s a knife in her. Misty's gut, protective instinct is to cover her back up, protect her bare skin from the fall air, but she can’t, she can’t. All her efforts to protect her have already failed. ]

If you want her heart, you’ll need to take it back up and make a Y. I brought a chisel and hammer to get through the ribcage.

[ She talks Jackie through it as if she does it every day, but her glasses magnify the puffy, red distress, the wetness in her eyes that hasn't fully left since it was Natalie under the knife. ]

[ the blood oozes instead of flows, unlike the way it had when she'd made her mark into her skin. the bonds aren't still active but she swears she can still feel the cuts against her skin, only she's left cold instead of hot, because shauna's not living anymore. there's a second where the knowledge hits her again and there's a flash of despair that crosses her expression, but at misty's encouragement, she keeps at it.

her eyes go back to misty's when she speaks again, instructing her on what to do in order to get to shauna's heart. and she wants that part of her, of course she does. she nods to her once, her expression resolute as she adjusts her grip and takes the blade back up in the opposite direction, diverting to the diagonal left before repeating the process on the right. sweat dampens her forehead and underneath her clothing, cooling her skin when the wind picks up, but she doesn't falter. this feels like the most important thing she's ever done, will ever do.

once the cut is completed, she straightens, fingers still wrapped around the blade of the handle as she looks at misty. ]

How do we get it out?

[ Getting to know Jackie again has given her a lot to think about. It's not the same as Nat and Lottie, brought back somehow through the power of this place. The two of them, she'd at least seen as the women they became, tracked the progress from the things that fucked them up in the woods to way they'd go on to fuck up others. They're more familiar, even beyond their rightful graves. Guiding Jackie's knife is being hand in hand with a memory, a pleasant dream that shifts into a nightmare. ]

We cut through the sternum. Hospitals have saws for that, but...

[ They're working with what they have. She's got a chisel and a hammer to crack it open, and she squeezes Jackie's hand before reaching for it. This part, she handles herself, making sure the sickening crack that opens her up doesn't echo through the whole commune, that no valuable organs are damaged by shards of bone. ]

We pry this open, with a little effort, and there you go. Just cut around the veins.

[ jackie withdraws her hands and the knife when misty pulls out the hammer and chisel, making herself watch as she cracks open shauna's ribcage. it feels like her own is being pulled apart as she takes it in. this shouldn't be her it shouldn't be her why was it her why was it nat. tears roll down her cheeks, but she doesn't look away, doesn't even blink until she looks back up at misty, nodding at her instructions.

she takes a deep breath to steady her nerves and her hands, then reaches back in with the knife. her hand is steady and sure, as if she's shauna preparing javi. preparing ben, preparing mari. it's simpler than she thinks it will be, even with shauna's knowledge in her head, guiding her hand with as much assurance as misty provides.

before too long the heart is free, and jackie hands the blade back to misty before reaching inside shauna's chest to pull it out. ]

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apologies for the delay!